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  #981  
Old 03-04-2013, 11:48 AM
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I know this has been around sometime now, but still good.


A humorous explanation of how male and female brains are different by Mark Gungor.

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From the land of smiles
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  #982  
Old 03-05-2013, 02:55 AM
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  #983  
Old 03-07-2013, 02:48 AM
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Old one......
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"Hell, there are no rules here ... we're trying to accomplish something." Thomas Edison
I have a little list, let ALL of them be MIST......
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  #984  
Old 03-07-2013, 06:39 AM
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Ammunition Scarce.


This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo.

On the way home I stopped at the gas station where a.
Drop-Dead Blonde gorgeous was the next filling up her Car at Pump. She looked at the Ammo in the back of my PICKUP and.

said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, big boy.
Would You be interested in Trading sex for Ammo? ". I thought a few seconds and Asked, "What kinda Ammo Ya got?".
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  #985  
Old 03-09-2013, 03:42 AM
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When you're from the country ~ your perception is a little different...

An Iowa farmer in his pickup drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door.
"Is your Dad home?"
"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, he went with Mom and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."
The boy thought for a moment...
"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
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  #986  
Old 03-09-2013, 05:39 AM
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A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.

One woman lost it completely, she was going berserk!!!

She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried. Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane. He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest.

She gasped.

Then, he spoke...

"Iron this -- and then get me a beer!"'
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  #987  
Old 03-09-2013, 02:16 PM
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Sara Pipalini
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter . He says,
"Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren ;"
And *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini .."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks

"Sara Pipalini ," replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name
just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter .
St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says.
"No sister, the paper says that the ' Sahara Pipeline' was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

If you laugh, you're going straight to hell!
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  #988  
Old 03-09-2013, 02:17 PM
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Sons grow up so soon......
A young teenage boy comes home at 7pm, His dad says
"Where were you ?"
"I was with Sarah." He replied.
"What were you doing ?"
"We were studying."
After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are great."
Dad replies, "Wash your hands son; they're donuts."
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  #989  
Old 03-12-2013, 06:06 PM
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George W Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave.

Obama was quick to stop him saying, “No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse.”

The second barber turned to Bush and said, “How about you sir?”

Bush replied, “Go ahead; my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”
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  #990  
Old 03-13-2013, 12:44 AM
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A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"

The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00.

He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.

The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation......And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them.
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