Best True Lawyer Story Of The Year

BangkokDean

BangkokDean

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BEST TRUE LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY

This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued - and WON! (Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA.
NO WONDER THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS WE'RE NUTS
 
I have a really good friend that is an attorney. I've promised him that if there is ever an open season on attorneys, I'll shoot him last. :bounce:

DC
 
THIS IS VERY TOUCHING !!!!!!!!

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw
two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,
" the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife
and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large
as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind."

"Thank you for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.
You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."


Come on now...you really didn't think there was such a thing as a
heart-warming lawyer story...did you????
 
Its not true, arson is the 'intentional burning of the protected structure of another.' Cigars arent structures.
 
And everyone likes to make fun of lawyers... but just remember, when your wife or daughter gets murdered and raped... its the cop who arrests him, but the prosecutor who keeps him locked up. If that happened to you and your family that prosecutor would be your own personal hero.

Not all lawyers are ambulance chasing Johnny Cochrins.
 
BangcockDean, Lol.

Here's a good one from Vettezuki. I sort of feel for these lawyers because youre not allowed to ask leading questions on direct... so if someone said they had 3 kids and no girls, I couldnt ask them if they had 3 boys, I would have to get them to say it. But its still funny! ...And yes, some of these guys are just morons. Ha


IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
 
Yeah, lawyers are not entirely to blame.
As long as the OP was on fire.....
Just look at a legal system that put the only gas can manufacturer in the US (Blitz) out of business. They were sued into bankrupcy not because of any defect with the cans, but because people did incredibly stupid things or didn't know gas was flammable and.....wait for it.....got burned! Google it, true story.
Guessing Exxon or BP that made the gas was too big to sue.
You're next gas can will be labelled "Made in China", just like the rest of the stuff around your house.
 
Garys 68 said:
Yeah, lawyers are not entirely to blame.
As long as the OP was on fire.....
Just look at a legal system that put the only gas can manufacturer in the US (Blitz) out of business. They were sued into bankrupcy not because of any defect with the cans, but because people did incredibly stupid things or didn't know gas was flammable and.....wait for it.....got burned! Google it, true story.
Guessing Exxon or BP that made the gas was too big to sue.
You're next gas can will be labelled "Made in China", just like the rest of the stuff around your house.
Click to expand...

So true, then they complain that there are no jobs in America as everything is made in Asia where there are few lawyers and it is difficult or impossible to sue.
 
There's always more to the story. The media just likes to put a shocking spin on those cases.

Remember the McDonalds case where some lady spilled hot coffee on herself and sued for over a million? Sounds bad right. Well they dont broadcast the fact that the coffee was so hot it caused this 80 something year old woman to get third degree burns over a large percentage of her lower body... including, yes, her vagina. Requiring skin graphs... on her vagina. Sound like the coffee was served at an appropriate temp to you? The coffee burner was left on negligently, allowing the coffee to get insanely hot.

You dont win money in court unless the other side did something wrong. The news likes to leave that kinda stuff out, because you all eat it up.
 
And we can sue any Chinese or any foreign corporation that sells anything in this country. Its not difficult.

Shit is made in China because the labor is cheap there, pretty basic.
 
enkeivette said:
And we can sue any Chinese or any foreign corporation that sells anything in this country. Its not difficult.

Shit is made in China because the labor is cheap there, pretty basic.
Click to expand...

Sorry you missed the point.Asian companies if operating in the land of litigation could not operate. Factories selling a product have to cover there costs in order to compete, direct labor is only part of it.

Yes you can sue Asian companies that have presence in the states. But If look at all the law suites against US companies, these these would never happen in Asia.

I can remember on many occasions watching TV in CA and the many adds from law firms urging people to sue there employer for all kind of things. I also know of a company I did business with being sued because they did not file some form to the government.
I am not a lawyer but here are some things that people sue for in the states but never seen in Asia.
1) sex discrimination
2) age discrimination
3) sexual harassment
4) workers safety
5) labor laws
6) city, state and federal product or work place safety
7) city, state and federal building ordinances
8) pollution
9) equal rights
10) false advertising
11) bribery
12) serving hot coffee
13)malpractice
 
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