Official joke of the day thread
- Thread starter big2bird
- Start date
BangkokDean
Well-known member
LOL!! This one actually made me laugh out loud!
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times...
When she is about to hand him another batch again ....he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.
'We can't chew them because we've got no teeth', she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'
It pays to be careful around old people.......
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times...
When she is about to hand him another batch again ....he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.
'We can't chew them because we've got no teeth', she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'
It pays to be careful around old people.......
BangkokDean
Well-known member
A PRIEST AND A RABBI.
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked,
“Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”
The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”
The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”
To which the rabbi replied,
“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.”
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest,
“Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”
The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith”
The rabbi then asked him,
“Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”
The priest replied,
“Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith.”
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, and sat thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said,
“Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?”:smash:
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked,
“Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”
The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”
The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”
To which the rabbi replied,
“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.”
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest,
“Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”
The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith”
The rabbi then asked him,
“Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”
The priest replied,
“Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith.”
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, and sat thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said,
“Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?”:smash:
JPhil
Huh?
:nuts: Anybody care to guess what "Le Petit Mort" means?
Sorry, you Frenchies aren't allowed to answer---at least, not yet.
Last edited:
SuperBuickGuy
Well-known member
:nuts: Anybody care to guess what "Le Petit Mort" means?
Sorry, you Frenchies aren't allowed to answer---at least, not yet.
When I was going to school in France, after a few months I'd get this line from the French "you speak French well"... it took several more months before I realize that what they were really saying is "you speak french well (for a troglodyte)" - my response to that line was simple. I'd switch to english and say "yep, your language was easy - let's speak in mine".... I made a lot of friends :devil:
French is easy.... even easier with google translator
phantomjock
Well-known member
No cheating here; maybe "Le Petit Mort" = little death = orgasm?
Or do I have that wrong? So many years ago with a french "date."
Jim
Or do I have that wrong? So many years ago with a french "date."
Jim
This morning I lucked out and was able to buy two boxes of ammo at Cabela's.
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home, but stopped at a gas station
where a drop-dead gorgeous brunette in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of ammo, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and
said in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in the barter system, mister.
Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of ammo 'ya got?"
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home, but stopped at a gas station
where a drop-dead gorgeous brunette in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of ammo, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and
said in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in the barter system, mister.
Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of ammo 'ya got?"
mrvette
Phantom of the Opera
The tribal wisdom of the Plains Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that
"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."
However, in government more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.
5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead
and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
And, of course...
13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position
"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."
However, in government more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.
5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead
and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
And, of course...
13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position
At dawn the telephone rings,
"Hello, Señor Bob? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Bob, that your parrot, he is dead."
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Señor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating the rotten meat, Señor Bob."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Señor Bob ..."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes, Señor Bob, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Señor."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"
"Yes, Señor Bob."
"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Señor Bob."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"
"Your wife's, Señor Bob. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."
SILENCE...........
LONG SILENCE.........
VERY LONG SILENCE............
"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit."
"Hello, Señor Bob? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Bob, that your parrot, he is dead."
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Señor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating the rotten meat, Señor Bob."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Señor Bob ..."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes, Señor Bob, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Señor."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"
"Yes, Señor Bob."
"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Señor Bob."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"
"Your wife's, Señor Bob. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."
SILENCE...........
LONG SILENCE.........
VERY LONG SILENCE............
"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit."
JPhil
Huh?
BangkokDean
Well-known member
How the Internet Started (according to the Bible)...
In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy.
And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.
And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."
And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known.
He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham.
And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began - and that's the truth!!!
In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy.
And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.
And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."
And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known.
He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham.
And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began - and that's the truth!!!
BangkokDean
Well-known member
On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new husband and asked
For $20.00 for their first lovemaking
Encounter.
In his highly aroused state,
Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the
bank which was worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for more than
Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the
Results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!'
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
To keep their mouths shut
Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!
Approached her new husband and asked
For $20.00 for their first lovemaking
Encounter.
In his highly aroused state,
Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the
bank which was worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for more than
Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the
Results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!'
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
To keep their mouths shut
Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!
BangkokDean
Well-known member
It was a small town, and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two
Little-old-ladies sitting in a used car.
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car--were they
trying to steal it?
"Heavens no, we bought it."
"Then why don't you drive it away."
"We can't drive."
"Then why did you buy it?"
"We were told that if we bought a used car here,
We'd get screwed...so we're just waiting."
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two
Little-old-ladies sitting in a used car.
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car--were they
trying to steal it?
"Heavens no, we bought it."
"Then why don't you drive it away."
"We can't drive."
"Then why did you buy it?"
"We were told that if we bought a used car here,
We'd get screwed...so we're just waiting."
Goose Hunting
Ole was hunting geese up in the Minnesota woods. He leaned the old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As luck would have it, his foolish dog knocked the gun over, it went off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 in the groin.
Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to.... and there was his doctor, Sven.
"Vell Ole, I got some good news and some bad news. Da good news is dat you are going to be OK. Da damage vas
local to your groin, dere was very little internal damage, and I vas able to remove all of da buckshot."
"What's the bad news?", asks Ole.
"The bad news is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena ."
"Well, I guess that isn't too bad,"
says Ole. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you vhere to put your fingers, so you don't piss in your eye."
Ole was hunting geese up in the Minnesota woods. He leaned the old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As luck would have it, his foolish dog knocked the gun over, it went off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 in the groin.
Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to.... and there was his doctor, Sven.
"Vell Ole, I got some good news and some bad news. Da good news is dat you are going to be OK. Da damage vas
local to your groin, dere was very little internal damage, and I vas able to remove all of da buckshot."
"What's the bad news?", asks Ole.
"The bad news is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena ."
"Well, I guess that isn't too bad,"
says Ole. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you vhere to put your fingers, so you don't piss in your eye."
Bullshark
Well-known member
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English. So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."edited
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to beedited civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied,
"My bike."
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."edited
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to beedited civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied,
"My bike."
BangkokDean
Well-known member
What deep thinkers men are...
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'.
The reason I said that instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'.
At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.
Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case. Time for another beer.:drink:
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'.
The reason I said that instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'.
At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.
Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case. Time for another beer.:drink:
BangkokDean
Well-known member
Note on the Frig
I came home from a full day of golf and my wife left a note on the refrigerator:
"IT'S NOT WORKING, I can't take it anymore!!
Gone to stay with my Mother."
I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold......
What the heck is she talking about?
I came home from a full day of golf and my wife left a note on the refrigerator:
"IT'S NOT WORKING, I can't take it anymore!!
Gone to stay with my Mother."
I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold......
What the heck is she talking about?
BangkokDean
Well-known member
The Haircut
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.'
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.
The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ~ and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.
You're going to love the Dad's reply:
"Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere?"
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.'
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.
The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ~ and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.
You're going to love the Dad's reply:
"Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere?"
BangkokDean
Well-known member
I asked a chinese girl if she would come out with me for a date and I asked her
number so that I could call her.
She got all excited and said: "SEX SEX SEX FREE SEX TONIGHT"
... wow such an open girl !...
but then, my friend told me what she really said was 6 6 6 3 6 2 9.....:zzz:
number so that I could call her.
She got all excited and said: "SEX SEX SEX FREE SEX TONIGHT"
... wow such an open girl !...
but then, my friend told me what she really said was 6 6 6 3 6 2 9.....:zzz:
BangkokDean
Well-known member
Don't squat if you're wearing spurs!!
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was a great political sage.
Some of his sayings:
1.Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2.Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3.There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
4.Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5.Always drink upstream from the herd.
6.If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7.The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8.There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9.Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10.If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11.Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back.
12.After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.
Today it's called golf.
And, finally ~If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was a great political sage.
Some of his sayings:
1.Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2.Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3.There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
4.Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5.Always drink upstream from the herd.
6.If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7.The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8.There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9.Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10.If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11.Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back.
12.After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.
Today it's called golf.
And, finally ~If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.
