Twin_Turbo
Der Maulwurf
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2008
- Messages
- 7,575
LOL :rofl:
Official joke of the day thread
- Thread starter big2bird
- Start date
mrvette
Phantom of the Opera
WIFE and I got a GREAT laugh....thanks.....:bump::bump::bounce:
elevatordude
Well-known member
WASHINGTON COUNTY SHERIFF 'S DEPT. Investigation
A Deputy stops at a dairy farm and talks with the old farmer
who's the owner.
He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect your property for
illegal grown marijuana.'
The old Farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'
The officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the
authority of the Federal Government with me"!! Pointing to the badge on
his chest he proudly says,
"See this badge"!? "This badge means I am allowed to go
wherever I wish on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I
made myself clear!!?? Do you understand!!??"
The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old guy hears loud screams and spies the deputy
running for his life and close behind is a huge breeder bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer.
The officer is clearly terrified.
The old farmer immediately throws down his pitch fork, runs to
the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge! Show him your fucking badge!"
A Deputy stops at a dairy farm and talks with the old farmer
who's the owner.
He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect your property for
illegal grown marijuana.'
The old Farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'
The officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the
authority of the Federal Government with me"!! Pointing to the badge on
his chest he proudly says,
"See this badge"!? "This badge means I am allowed to go
wherever I wish on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I
made myself clear!!?? Do you understand!!??"
The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old guy hears loud screams and spies the deputy
running for his life and close behind is a huge breeder bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer.
The officer is clearly terrified.
The old farmer immediately throws down his pitch fork, runs to
the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge! Show him your fucking badge!"
Douglas Mariani
Well-known member
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
mrvette
Phantom of the Opera
Blood transfusions
The American Medical Association researchers have found that patients
needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather
than human blood. It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.
Just thought you'd like to know... :bonkers::harhar:
The American Medical Association researchers have found that patients
needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather
than human blood. It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.
Just thought you'd like to know... :bonkers::harhar:
elevatordude
Well-known member
Company Memo
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan
Douglas Mariani
Well-known member
Thats Funny :rofl:
Beagle 1
Well-known member
A few weeks ago president obama gave a 2 hour speech to various Indian tribes in upstate New York.
He talked about HIS strugles as a minority, how HE understood their pleight, how HE was going to help them climb the social ladder, become self sufficient, overcome the US gov'ts many years of enslavement, etc.
After HIS 2 hour speech, he was presented with a lavisly engraved plak with his honory native American name--Walking Eagle.
He graciously accepted the plack and the restated HIS plan for the native Americans, then left.
Afterwards, a cnn reporter asked one of the chiefs if the name had any significance to the native Americans.
Yes, it goes way back many years. We use it to describe a powerfull bird that is so full of shit that it can no longer fly!!
He talked about HIS strugles as a minority, how HE understood their pleight, how HE was going to help them climb the social ladder, become self sufficient, overcome the US gov'ts many years of enslavement, etc.
After HIS 2 hour speech, he was presented with a lavisly engraved plak with his honory native American name--Walking Eagle.
He graciously accepted the plack and the restated HIS plan for the native Americans, then left.
Afterwards, a cnn reporter asked one of the chiefs if the name had any significance to the native Americans.
Yes, it goes way back many years. We use it to describe a powerfull bird that is so full of shit that it can no longer fly!!
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big2bird
Charter Member, Founder Bird-Run, Cruise-In Bird-R
A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"
Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No"
Duck says: "Got any bread?
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"
Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No"
Duck says: "Got any bread?
mrvette
Phantom of the Opera
Bird is the werd.....
got any bread??
:devil:
got any bread??
:devil:
Douglas Mariani
Well-known member
:rofl::rofl::rofl:
big2bird
Charter Member, Founder Bird-Run, Cruise-In Bird-R
This just in.
saudivette
Clueless In Sandland
STRIKING SUICIDE BOMBERS
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% next January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth."
Mr Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by management. "Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus of 250,000 virgins," complains Amir. "And you can be sure they'll all be pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?"
Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands where he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,
"We sympathise with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day jihad, in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up." He defended management bonuses by claiming these were necessary to attract good fanatical clerics. "How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can't compete with the private sector?" asked Mr. Bin-Laden.
Talks broke down this morning after management's last-ditch proposal of a virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright after a failure to agree on orifice allocation quotas. One virgin, who refused to be named, was quoted as saying "I'll be buggered if I'm agreeing to anything like that........it's too much of a mouthful to swallow".
Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend, suicide bombers will down explosives at midday on Monday. Most branches are supporting the strike. Only the North London branch, which has a different union, is likely to continue working. However, some members of that branch will only be using waist-down explosives in order to express solidarity with their striking brethren.
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% next January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth."
Mr Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by management. "Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus of 250,000 virgins," complains Amir. "And you can be sure they'll all be pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?"
Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands where he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,
"We sympathise with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day jihad, in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up." He defended management bonuses by claiming these were necessary to attract good fanatical clerics. "How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can't compete with the private sector?" asked Mr. Bin-Laden.
Talks broke down this morning after management's last-ditch proposal of a virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright after a failure to agree on orifice allocation quotas. One virgin, who refused to be named, was quoted as saying "I'll be buggered if I'm agreeing to anything like that........it's too much of a mouthful to swallow".
Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend, suicide bombers will down explosives at midday on Monday. Most branches are supporting the strike. Only the North London branch, which has a different union, is likely to continue working. However, some members of that branch will only be using waist-down explosives in order to express solidarity with their striking brethren.
big2bird
Charter Member, Founder Bird-Run, Cruise-In Bird-R
What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common? They're both in
danger of being clubbed by Norwegians!
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide
between the iron or the wood.
His wife Elin told police that she went for a rescue wood, but it looks
like she really went for the driver.
Did you hear that he inspired a new Kung Fu movie to be released?
"Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant."
Did you make it out of your own driveway safely this morning? Then you
can say that you outdrove Tiger Woods.
Elin Nordegren got hired today as a consultant. She's teaching Phil
Mickelson how to beat Tiger.
Did you hear about Tiger's last outing? He drove into a tree, then
ended up with a bad lie.
What kind of club did Elin swing at Tiger? Looks like it was a
bitching wedge.
What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a
ball 350 yards.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
They went clubbing.
danger of being clubbed by Norwegians!
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide
between the iron or the wood.
His wife Elin told police that she went for a rescue wood, but it looks
like she really went for the driver.
Did you hear that he inspired a new Kung Fu movie to be released?
"Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant."
Did you make it out of your own driveway safely this morning? Then you
can say that you outdrove Tiger Woods.
Elin Nordegren got hired today as a consultant. She's teaching Phil
Mickelson how to beat Tiger.
Did you hear about Tiger's last outing? He drove into a tree, then
ended up with a bad lie.
What kind of club did Elin swing at Tiger? Looks like it was a
bitching wedge.
What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a
ball 350 yards.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
They went clubbing.
saudivette
Clueless In Sandland
Christmas joke time...
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season’ Saint Peter said,
'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The man replied, 'These are Carols.'
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season’ Saint Peter said,
'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The man replied, 'These are Carols.'
mrvette
Phantom of the Opera
A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes.
Little Tyrone stood up and yelled:
"FREEZE, MUTHAFUKA!!"
I guess there aren't many farms in Chicago.:hissyfit:
Little Tyrone stood up and yelled:
"FREEZE, MUTHAFUKA!!"
I guess there aren't many farms in Chicago.:hissyfit:
mrvette
Phantom of the Opera
Tiger Woods is changing his name....
Cheetah Woods.....
:shocking:
prrtt:
Cheetah Woods.....
:shocking:
prrtt:
Douglas Mariani
Well-known member
Cheetah Woods.....
:shocking:
Lion Cheetah Tiger........ Woods
saudivette
Clueless In Sandland
A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.
He shouts 'this is a robbery - everyone get on the floor!!',and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.
As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. 'Did anybody else here see my face?'.
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also.
'Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around.
There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner....
'I think my missus caught a glimpse.....'
He shouts 'this is a robbery - everyone get on the floor!!',and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.
As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. 'Did anybody else here see my face?'.
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also.
'Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around.
There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner....
'I think my missus caught a glimpse.....'
saudivette
Clueless In Sandland
A Christmas Story . . . for people having a bad day
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
