Douglas Mariani
Well-known member
See, I just can't help but notice the BLUE OVAL on the back. I wonder if that means anything?:stirpot:
Found Off Ramp Dead
Official joke of the day thread
- Thread starter big2bird
- Start date
Found Off Ramp Dead
DeeVeeEight
Fast Pedalphile
See, I just can't help but notice the BLUE OVAL on the back. I wonder if that means anything?:stirpot:
Found Off Ramp Dead
Found on Ramp DROWNED!
clutchdust
Millionaire Playboy
"unfortunately, bob found out the hard way that his ford F-150 brakes were inadequate to keep his 16' aluminum boat and trailer from sliding into the lake."
mrvette
Phantom of the Opera
Or to turn it around the other way, some guy without posi under his pickup had a boat just a bit larger than mine on the ramp....he was totally stuck...one wheel drive in back and one in front...slipping on the lo tide slop....
me in the slot next to him, posi in my Lemans/GTO....pulled MY boat up without nary spinning a wheel....he had to have another guy with a chain link to his front....I was amused to say the least....
:amazed:
big2bird
Charter Member, Founder Bird-Run, Cruise-In Bird-R
In South Los Angeles , a fire destroyed a four plex.
A Nigerian family of six con artists lived on the first floor, and all six
died in the fire.
An Islamic group of seven Kenyan welfare cheats, all illegally in the
country, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire.
Six LA, Hispanic, Gang Banger, ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor and they too,
died.
One white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived the fire.
Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew into LA
and quickly demanded a meeting with the Fire Chief. On camera, they loudly
demanded to know why the Blacks, Black Muslims and Hispanics all died in the
fire and only the white couple lived.
The fire chief replied, "They were at work."
A Nigerian family of six con artists lived on the first floor, and all six
died in the fire.
An Islamic group of seven Kenyan welfare cheats, all illegally in the
country, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire.
Six LA, Hispanic, Gang Banger, ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor and they too,
died.
One white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived the fire.
Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew into LA
and quickly demanded a meeting with the Fire Chief. On camera, they loudly
demanded to know why the Blacks, Black Muslims and Hispanics all died in the
fire and only the white couple lived.
The fire chief replied, "They were at work."
js292
Well-known member
:bounce::bounce:
mrvette
Phantom of the Opera
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take
over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a
second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will
cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
Morass". When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium
- an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since
it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Don't forget the element formed when this element reaches Critical Morass...It spreads to all the elements outside the nucleus of the Governmentium, it's called AFRAIDIUM and it is used to control all elements outside the beltway of the Governmentium's nucleus.
:hissyfit::clobbered::banned:
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take
over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a
second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will
cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
Morass". When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium
- an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since
it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Don't forget the element formed when this element reaches Critical Morass...It spreads to all the elements outside the nucleus of the Governmentium, it's called AFRAIDIUM and it is used to control all elements outside the beltway of the Governmentium's nucleus.
:hissyfit::clobbered::banned:
big2bird
Charter Member, Founder Bird-Run, Cruise-In Bird-R
Greatest Prostitute in history
Ms. Pac Man
For 25 cents, she would eat all the balls she could find untill she died.
Ms. Pac Man
For 25 cents, she would eat all the balls she could find untill she died.
big2bird
Charter Member, Founder Bird-Run, Cruise-In Bird-R
Wierd, huh?
Did you know: · That the words race car spelled backward says race car. · That eat is the only word that if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, it spells it's past tense ate. · And Have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants, "and add just a few more letters, it spells out: "Go home you free-loading, benefit grabbing, kid-producing, violent, non-English
speaking assholes and take those other hairy-faced, sandal wearing, bomb making, goat loving, raggedy ass bastards with you." How weird is that?
Did you know: · That the words race car spelled backward says race car. · That eat is the only word that if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, it spells it's past tense ate. · And Have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants, "and add just a few more letters, it spells out: "Go home you free-loading, benefit grabbing, kid-producing, violent, non-English
speaking assholes and take those other hairy-faced, sandal wearing, bomb making, goat loving, raggedy ass bastards with you." How weird is that?
Blackfinn
Well-known member
^^:crylol::crylol:^^
Did you know that Margarine is one molecule from being plastic?
Did you know that Margarine is one molecule from being plastic?
Beagle 1
Well-known member
JPhil
Huh?
Her Diary vs His Diary
HER DIARY:
My husband has been acting weird today.
We had plans to meet at a bar for a couple of drinks. I spent the day
shopping with my friends, so I thought maybe he was upset that I was a bit
late, but he made no comment on it.
He was quiet, so I suggested that we go find a place where we could talk. He agreed, but didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong: he said, 'Nothing.'
I asked if I did something to upset him. He said 'no', it had nothing to do
with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and just kept driving. I am a bit concerned, I don't
know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, like didn't want
anything to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem cold and distant.
Finally, knowing he wasn't going to open up and share with me, I decided to
go to bed, holding back my tears. About 15 minutes later, he came too. I gently caressed him, and to my surprise, he responded and we made love.
But I still felt he was distracted and that his mind was someplace else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I wonder if I should talk to a counselor. I wonder if he would go? I am positive his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
Engine mis-fired a couple times today, not sure what caused it. But at least I got laid.
__________________
HER DIARY:
My husband has been acting weird today.
We had plans to meet at a bar for a couple of drinks. I spent the day
shopping with my friends, so I thought maybe he was upset that I was a bit
late, but he made no comment on it.
He was quiet, so I suggested that we go find a place where we could talk. He agreed, but didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong: he said, 'Nothing.'
I asked if I did something to upset him. He said 'no', it had nothing to do
with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and just kept driving. I am a bit concerned, I don't
know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, like didn't want
anything to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem cold and distant.
Finally, knowing he wasn't going to open up and share with me, I decided to
go to bed, holding back my tears. About 15 minutes later, he came too. I gently caressed him, and to my surprise, he responded and we made love.
But I still felt he was distracted and that his mind was someplace else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I wonder if I should talk to a counselor. I wonder if he would go? I am positive his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
Engine mis-fired a couple times today, not sure what caused it. But at least I got laid.
__________________
Douglas Mariani
Well-known member
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you..'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say THAT as well?'
Maria: 'No Señora, the gardener did.'
Maria got the raise.
The wife was very upset about this and asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you..'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say THAT as well?'
Maria: 'No Señora, the gardener did.'
Maria got the raise.
clutchdust
Millionaire Playboy
This is a joke thread. That's just true.
big2bird
Charter Member, Founder Bird-Run, Cruise-In Bird-R
An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch
watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying
something big under his arm.
He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says, "Gonna catch some chickens."
Old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with
chicken wire!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the
old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with
about 30 chickens caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun
rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round
in his hand.
Old man yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back, "Roll of duct tape."
Old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says back, "Gonna catch me some ducks."
Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks
with duct tape!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to
the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled
roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by
carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the
end.
Old man says, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy says, "It's a pussy willow."
Old man says, "Wait up ... I'll get my hat."
watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying
something big under his arm.
He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says, "Gonna catch some chickens."
Old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with
chicken wire!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the
old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with
about 30 chickens caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun
rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round
in his hand.
Old man yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back, "Roll of duct tape."
Old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says back, "Gonna catch me some ducks."
Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks
with duct tape!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to
the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled
roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by
carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the
end.
Old man says, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy says, "It's a pussy willow."
Old man says, "Wait up ... I'll get my hat."
73 Mike
I'll drive it someday
Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a Redneck?
Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a Redneck? Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a
deserted street with your wife
and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic
Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner, locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife and charges at you.
You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?...................................................................
THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN:
Democrat's Answer :
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway and what kind
of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that
would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
..........................................................................
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
......................................................................
Redneck's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG !
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! Click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!
Were those the Winchester
Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! '
Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'
Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!
Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a Redneck? Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a
deserted street with your wife
and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic
Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner, locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife and charges at you.
You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?...................................................................
THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN:
Democrat's Answer :
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway and what kind
of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that
would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
..........................................................................
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
......................................................................
Redneck's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG !
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! Click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!
Were those the Winchester
Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! '
Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'
Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!
Douglas Mariani
Well-known member
Worst 4-some
WORST 4-SOME in golf = Monica Lewinsky, OJ Simpson, Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton..... Monica is a hooker, OJ is a slicer, Ted can't drive over water and Bill forgets which hole he is playing.
WORST 4-SOME in golf = Monica Lewinsky, OJ Simpson, Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton..... Monica is a hooker, OJ is a slicer, Ted can't drive over water and Bill forgets which hole he is playing.
JPhil
Huh?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A wealthy woman was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously. "Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! ...... Why is he doing that?" The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture." ''Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay" said the woman..
As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! Now tell me how that can be justified?" The doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness, better health plan."
__________________
A wealthy woman was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously. "Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! ...... Why is he doing that?" The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture." ''Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay" said the woman..
As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! Now tell me how that can be justified?" The doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness, better health plan."
__________________
